After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
