Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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