fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
