I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
