my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
