Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
