and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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