i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
