Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
