He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The air was thick with penises
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
