I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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