Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
