I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
