he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
