you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
