The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
