i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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