WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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