I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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