She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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