Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
