I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize