I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
