he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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