yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
