I just cut my nipple shaving
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
