wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The best revenge is premature balding
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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