she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
