His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
