Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
