I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize