Nicole vs. Life
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
