New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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