he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
