so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
