And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
