I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
