He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
