i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
