I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
