Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
