I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
