okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize