I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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