Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
