I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
