well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
