I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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