I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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