Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
