I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
