I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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