my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
