I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
