I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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