No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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