the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
