i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
