So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
