Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
