I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
