she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
