Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
