CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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