this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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