oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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