Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
